When to tell your loved one bare-faced lies!
By Bunmi Sofola
When the person you love asks a ‘loaded’ question and you can’t avoid answering it without either hurting them, or setting their wheels of suspicion rolling, that’s when, according to one expert, it’s kinder to answer with a little white lie rather than with brutal honesty. According to Linda Books, a London marriage counsellor, you shouldn’t feel guilty about answering with a ‘little white lie’ rather than brutal honesty.
“There are many occasions when it’s kinder not to tell the truth”, she says. “For instance, if someone isn’t looking their best, but you tell them they’re looking great, that’s a constructive white lie aimed at cheering them up. Little lies like that can’t be bad. So, you can still be a nice person and a liar at the same time!” Awkward questions can crop up at any time in a relationship, many of which will require an instant answer. You won’t have time to dither or hesitate, and an honest replay could easily ruin the relationship. What would you do, for instance, if your partner, snuggling up to you in bed after you’ve made love, suddenly comes out with, “was it like this with you know-who?” “Even though you cannot blame his or her curiosity getting out of hand at such a time, and assuming that they know you’ve had past lovers, they should never expect you to make such a comparison”, says Linda.
“Whether it was or wasn’t as good is irrelevant. Such a loaded question shouldn’t even be answered to the detriment of either of your past loves or present lover. The smart reply would be, “Nothing could be like this except with you”. Similarly, if your partner is ever dumb enough to ask: “How many men/women have you made love to in your life?” You could make light of it by starting to count your conquest on your fingers, or you could say, “I haven’t got a clue—I lost count years ago!” But those responses are as dumb as the question, says Linda, who suggests the following white lie is the perfect answer: “Numbers don’t matter. Only you matter”.
A woman, rather than a man, is likely to come up with the poser. “Do you think I’m putting on too much weight?” So how do you answer that kind of unfair question? Whatever you say is likely to be wrong. Say yes, and you will certainly hurt her feelings, but even a “No, of course, not”, could bring the response, “oh, you’re saying that to please me”. Your best bet even if you think he or she is getting a little plump is; “I think you look great just the way you are.”
In-laws are often a bone of contention between married couples, as it is not easy for one partner to get on with the other’s parents. “Chances are that, sooner or later, you’re going to be asked: ‘what do you really think of my family? says Linda. “Of course if you get on famously with them, no lie is necessary, but if you find them interfering, bossy, jealous or boring, don’t say so. You partner may not like them much either, but it’s okay for him or her to say it. You must never express doubt: say they are terrific and sound as if you mean it. Insecure lovers often ask: Did you miss me? And there’s only one answer to that, “yes of course I did” even if you didn’t. Even if you met someone else while you were away, still say ‘yes’. Because of course, its’ kinder”.
When the person you love asks a ‘loaded’ question and you can’t avoid answering it without either hurting them, or setting their wheels of suspicion rolling, that’s when, according to one expert, it’s kinder to answer with a little white lie rather than with brutal honesty. According to Linda Books, a London marriage counsellor, you shouldn’t feel guilty about answering with a ‘little white lie’ rather than brutal honesty.
“There are many occasions when it’s kinder not to tell the truth”, she says. “For instance, if someone isn’t looking their best, but you tell them they’re looking great, that’s a constructive white lie aimed at cheering them up. Little lies like that can’t be bad. So, you can still be a nice person and a liar at the same time!” Awkward questions can crop up at any time in a relationship, many of which will require an instant answer. You won’t have time to dither or hesitate, and an honest replay could easily ruin the relationship. What would you do, for instance, if your partner, snuggling up to you in bed after you’ve made love, suddenly comes out with, “was it like this with you know-who?” “Even though you cannot blame his or her curiosity getting out of hand at such a time, and assuming that they know you’ve had past lovers, they should never expect you to make such a comparison”, says Linda.
“Whether it was or wasn’t as good is irrelevant. Such a loaded question shouldn’t even be answered to the detriment of either of your past loves or present lover. The smart reply would be, “Nothing could be like this except with you”. Similarly, if your partner is ever dumb enough to ask: “How many men/women have you made love to in your life?” You could make light of it by starting to count your conquest on your fingers, or you could say, “I haven’t got a clue—I lost count years ago!” But those responses are as dumb as the question, says Linda, who suggests the following white lie is the perfect answer: “Numbers don’t matter. Only you matter”.
A woman, rather than a man, is likely to come up with the poser. “Do you think I’m putting on too much weight?” So how do you answer that kind of unfair question? Whatever you say is likely to be wrong. Say yes, and you will certainly hurt her feelings, but even a “No, of course, not”, could bring the response, “oh, you’re saying that to please me”. Your best bet even if you think he or she is getting a little plump is; “I think you look great just the way you are.”
In-laws are often a bone of contention between married couples, as it is not easy for one partner to get on with the other’s parents. “Chances are that, sooner or later, you’re going to be asked: ‘what do you really think of my family? says Linda. “Of course if you get on famously with them, no lie is necessary, but if you find them interfering, bossy, jealous or boring, don’t say so. You partner may not like them much either, but it’s okay for him or her to say it. You must never express doubt: say they are terrific and sound as if you mean it. Insecure lovers often ask: Did you miss me? And there’s only one answer to that, “yes of course I did” even if you didn’t. Even if you met someone else while you were away, still say ‘yes’. Because of course, its’ kinder”.
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